Welcome to Gay Husbands, Straight Wives

Bonnie’s personal mantra for you to repeat daily:
Life was never meant to be this complicated. Period.

Since 1985, I have counseled over 70,000 women who discovered that their husbands are gay/bisexual. This was following the collapse of my own marriage to a gay man. In this country, it is estimated that over 4 million women are married to or have been married to gay men, and there are millions more throughout the world. In almost all cases, women with gay husbands are unaware of their husbands' homosexuality at the time of the marriage. Through the years, I have worked with over 65,000 women who had to face this devastating news at some point in their marriages after 5, 10, 20, 30 or even 40 years.

When a woman learns the reason for the problems in her marriage—namely homosexuality, she goes through a wide myriad of emotions ranging from devastation to repulsion. My goal is to help you understand how this happens and how to cope when you find out. Then I can help you make the difficult decisions that will help you move ahead so you can find the quality of life and the happiness that you deserve.

After a woman learns that her husband is gay/bisexual, her first reactions include shame, guilt, and responsibility.

Let me assure you that you are in no way responsible for your husband's homosexuality. This was determined at birth, and there is nothing you could do or did to influence this. This was not your husband's choice either because homosexuality is not a choice. In almost every case, your husband married you because he loved you and hoped that by loving you enough his homosexuality would change--but it can't--no matter how much your husband wants it to change or tries to suppress it.

How you proceed in your marriage is your choice; however, I will help you find the right answers and give you the support you need on your journey.


I offer the following services:

• The official Gay Husband checklist to help determine if your husband is gay.
• Free information and literature.
• Counseling for straight wives.
• Free counseling for gay men who are ready to come out to their wives.
• Private counseling for straight wives or couples by phone or e-mail.